Computerized, “touch screen” voting is slowly becoming the norm in the States and I for one am not very excited. First of all, that shit is sketchy. Second, it’s one step closer to sitting at home and voting in your underwear over the internet. Yes, I think you should have to put on pants to vote. Call me old-fashioned.
But in New York, voting is still an amazing experience.
First of all, it only takes place in nostalgia-inducing grade school gymnasiums. You wait in line, talk to a nice old lady, sign your name on a dotted line, and are quickly ushered into a little booth.
KA-CHUNG!
You pull the giant, red lever of democracy from left to right and are rewarded with a satisfying noise as the collection slate is wiped clean, or whatever it is that actually happens. The point is that SOMETHING happens and it’s not all taking place invisibly inside a glorified version of those self-check out stations at grocery stores.
Anyway, now we are in voting position, as this awesome sign reminds you. Note the matching red lock.
And you are greeted with this great, old-school tableaux.
You check your boxes. Some of them make little clicking sounds, some of them don’t. Remember, these machines have been marinated in the distinction of decades.
Then you vote for all the other shit you didn’t pay attention to. I hope none of these people are too evil. Oh well.
You pull the gigantic, red lever of democracy back to the left and again the KA-CHUNG! of progress and freedom reverberates through the gymnasium. You emerge from the booth, bow to your fellow voters, and go about your day.
In summation, voting in New York is a lot like winning the Super Bowl.